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Poems, Anyone?
I've been craving dry wit, which must mean it is time to read some Dorothy Parker. These poems and quotes are at least sort of related to food, wine, or tea.
"There are two reasons for drinking wine; one is when you are thirsty, to cure it; the other, when you are not thirsty, to prevent it...Prevention is always better than a cure."
Inventory
Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
Four be the things I’d been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.
Four be the things I am wiser to know:
Idleness, sorrow, a friend, and a foe.
Four be the things I’d been better without:
Love, curiosity, freckles, and doubt.
Three be the things I shall never attain:
Envy, content, and sufficient champagne.
Three be the things I shall have till I die:
Laughter and hope and a sock in the eye.
"Ducking for apples -- change one letter and it's the story of my life."
Before you read this last one, try out your best dry and wry Dorothy Parker voice. In your mind, italicize the word "him" in that last sentence.
Penelope
In the pathway of the sun,
In the footsteps of the breeze,
Where the world and sky are one,
He shall ride the silver seas,
He shall cut the glittering wave.
I shall sit at home, and rock;
Rise, to heed a neighbor's knock;
Brew my tea, and snip my thread;
Bleach the linen for my bed.
They will call him brave.
Please feel free to add your favorite Parker quote in the comments, or to suggest an essay or poem. 
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